yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
