I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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