I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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