yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
