There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
