i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I could make wine with my vomit
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
