I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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