my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
