That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
