Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
