my mouth tastes like poor choices
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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