Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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