I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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