He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
