Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This house was built for laser tag.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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