fuck your aforementioned shoe
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
