dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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Just high enough for therapy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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