I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
