Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
