Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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