i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
