dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
