I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
