not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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