I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
