also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
