I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So apparently I’m into choking now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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