So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
