I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
