Can i not drive my cunt home
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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