I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
