I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I believe in your delicious
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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