explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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