I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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