youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
