I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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