This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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