we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
