If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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