he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
