Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
