so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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