There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
