Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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