im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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