my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
