will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
