he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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