We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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