1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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