Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
