I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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