so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
