I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
