Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
