so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
