Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
