Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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