I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize