hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
