Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
