I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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