i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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