I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
