you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
