just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
