The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
