And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
