i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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