I must be too annoying 4 u.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
