tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
